I’ve learned recently that people come into your life because you are either being rewarded, teaching a lesson, or being taught a lesson. You can’t mess up your destiny, simply because it is your destiny. God’s been doing his job for, well eternity, so he’s pretty good at it. Practice makes perfect, right?
I got a call this morning at work that just turned my world upside down. I had a client that requested to remove her husband from her insurance plan. I think to myself, “this will be an easy call, I do these all day long and they take three minutes”…little did I know what was about to come out of this woman’s mouth. I’m obligated to ask if it is a divorce situation or if he gained other coverage at his employer, etc. before completing the request. And THAT is where things got emotional…the woman immediately started sobbing and I thought, “Divorce”…just because it’s what I’m accustomed to hearing, but not this time. “No”, she started out, “it’s not either of those. My husband was killed two weeks ago in an accident. He was a truck driver and he got killed in a wreck in his eighteen wheeler.” My heart dropped to my feet. My mind traveled back nine and a half years to July 6, 2002…I was walking around the Nike outlet at Concord Mills and had just found the cutest pair of purple and gray flip flops for less than ten bucks…SCORE! I remember my boyfriend’s phone ringing and it was my mom. I though, duh, why didn’t she call my phone. I just kept asking why she couldn’t talk to me and she begged me to give the phone back to him. My life changed that day. I became the kid with only one parent, not from divorce or abandonment, but from that real ugly, dark word…DEATH. I lost my mind in the middle of that store. The next few minutes, hours and even days are a blur. It hit me a few times that day…I called to cancel his cell phone, to set up a funeral home meeting, to ask his childhood best friend to conduct his funeral, but nothing hit me like walking in that room and seeing what was left of his earthly being a few days later once we got his body home from Nebraska. I’ve never said what I’m about to write to anyone, it’s stayed locked inside my tortured memories for nine long years, but my daddy looked like a monster. He was cut up from shrapnel, even on his face, he was bruised and part of his face was even caved in. There was so much blood in his hair, he appeared to have a bad dye job. I would have given anything to have found I was in a haunted house and the actor could sit up and wash that scary special effect make up off and walk out the door, but this wasn’t Halloween, this was my life and I was living this nightmare. I made it through the next few days and even went and got a permanent tribute inked on my left shoulder the following Sunday, but the real damage from what happened never goes away and some things hit me harder than others. I still drive down Ozark and look over in front of his old house expecting to see a huge Volvo truck sitting there and I still drive through Dallas and remember eating breakfast at the café and I still hear songs on the radio that take me back to places that I only go in memories and pictures, but he’s not in any of those places anymore…
Most people know I’ve been through a lot lately and while a lot of folks would look at the misfortunes as negatives, I can honestly say that they’ve been nothing but positives for me. I’ve learned to love me through this situation. I’ve prayed more than I’ve ever prayed before and I haven’t been afraid to ask for prayer either (thank you Sammie for always being willing to pray for me and with me). It’s been a long time since my faith was as strong as it is right now. I have an inner peace like nothing I knew even existed. I’m not going to lie and tell you that it was easy from the beginning, but I will tell you that it gets easier every single day. I beat myself up pretty bad over another failed marriage and allowing someone to hurt me so bad, but then I realized God still loves me, my momma still loves me and I got the most awesome friends this side of the Mississippi River, so I’m doing pretty darn good! Ridding my life of a failed marriage won’t keep me out of Heaven, I’m sure of it now. Loving myself is a great feeling. Knowing how many others love me is the ultimate feeling of worth. I know in my heart there’s a reason this woman talked to me today instead of one of my 24 other co-workers…God knew I could handle it. Not to say that I didn’t go in the restroom and bawl when I got off that call, but I was there for that lady when she needed someone to listen. I’ve lived that nightmare and survived and she will too. And now, I have someone to say a special prayer for and my pops has a new friend in Heaven. Life DOES go on and if God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. Never give up and most importantly, DON’T STOP BELIEVING!
No comments:
Post a Comment