Wow, it’s crazy the way things change in such a small amount of time. For the first time in my life, I’m not stressed, I’m not depressed, I’m not strung up in the arms of drama, there’s no tears or headaches every other day…life is simply simple. I’ve never felt so good. I’m just plain happy. It looks good on me, it feels good in my heart. I worked on me because that’s what I promised myself and I kept that promise. I never knew what some time spent on me could do for my well being, but when I look in the mirror, it’s a different woman than I saw six months or even six weeks ago. I think I’ve always lived my life for someone else’s happiness and that wasn’t right, but I allowed it to happen. I put up with a lot of stuff that I realize now wasn’t smart. The good thing is that while I may not have learned as quick as I’d like, I did learn and know not to let it happen ever again. It’s hard learning your worth sometimes and it doesn’t mean that you’re uppity and snobbish to say you deserve better, it just means that you live and learn and do things different the next time around. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. I’ve spent some time with a wonderful individual recently and seen what it’s like to be respected…what a surprise. I didn’t even know men opened doors and helped you in the truck and paid for dinner and held your hand during a movie…I think their called gentleman, but they’re such a rare breed, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that’s the kind of future I want…not for a month, not a couple of years…the real forever…the grow old and gray forever, the front porch in rocking chairs forever, the grandkids forever…the REAL thing. Right now, I’m healing from allowing someone to hurt me and break my heart, but I AM healing and I won’t be broken forever. My future is still as bright as the sun and will continue to be. You can’t break this girl.
That being said, I’ve found out on this broken road that you truly find out who your friends are (and are not). I’ve done some things in my past that I’m not proud of. I’ve been really mean to people who didn’t deserve it. I even missed out on four years of my best friend’s life because I let pride settle within my soul and keep me from saying I was sorry. I’ve been a real bitch in every sense of the word and I pushed people away that loved me and clung to the ones that struggled to rid their lives of me. I’m human and I make mistakes and I’m not to proud to admit that. However, I’ve come a long way and I don’t look back once the door is closed. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is to only make time for the people that make time for you. I have some friends that I know our schedules conflict and while I may only get to text them and say “Hey, thinking about you” once a week, I make it happen. Other so-called friends could be at my next door neighbors house and not care enough to check if I was alive or dead. It gets old and with age, you learn that weeding the garden of life and friendship is much easier. I don’t need the barnacles of society in my life anymore. I’m not desperate for friends to put up with the likes of these folks. Sadly, I learned another life lesson this past weekend when a so-called friend, that a lot of my circle trusted, betrayed every single one of us, especially someone that means a lot to me on a daily basis. It didn’t take a second though to confront the individual, listen calmly to the lies and stupidity that spewed out and then delete her from my life. I don’t need it and refuse to put up with it. I’m a really fun person to be around and I don’t even need alcohol to make the whole gang laugh with my remarks and goofiness, but you’ll not fasten yourself to my world just to get information and stab me in the back. Next time…well nevermind, there won’t be one!
In conclusion, those of you that stick by me and make my little world keep spinning, THANK YOU…for staying up til 430am just to calm me down, for taking me shopping and out to eat just because you love me, for introducing me to your family who treat me like their own, for making dinner and letting me spend an evening with your beautiful daughters, for letting me see you so happy with a great guy, for sending me pictures of your darling children that I love like my own (these get me through the roughest days), for still being only a text or phone call away when you’re physically on the other side of the country, for loving me unconditionally and always supporting my dreams, for being my little sis and listening, for always telling me how pretty I am (even when my hair is a big ol’ mess), for holding my hand when I’m falling apart and making me smile when I truly felt no one could…Y’ALL are the reason that I keep going and why I still BELIEVE.
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