Bring it ON!

Seriously?!? It’s the last working day of 2011. Where did my year go?

It’s funny, thinking back only a year ago, so much has changed, all of it for the better, although kind of bittersweet due to the situations, not the outcome. My little planet seems to be spinning quite well these days and I love the direction it’s going, but it’s still a shock to me how much can change in so little time.

 More than a few times throughout this year, I’ve let negative people or situations take me out of character and recently I’ve gotten back on track of being true to myself. I’m only human and admitting that I’ve made mistakes is not above anything I stand for. I learn from my mistakes and that’s what makes them life lessons. Someone asked me a while back if I regretted anything that had happened and initially I said yes without any hesitation. After thinking about the question, I realized my answer was actually NO, not at all! While I have lived through one of the most challenging years of my life, I have also experienced some of the greatest moments…a random weeknight trip to Walmart and a hug changed my whole world and regained me my sister, my brother from another and my precious hair twin that makes my whole world go ‘round with a single smile…an invitation to come hang out at Hooters and watch wrestling turned into the beginning of a wonderful relationship and a love like I never dreamed was possible…a chance job application turned into a  career change that put me back on a path I’ve been missing for a few years now…an opportunity to get out of a bad situation moved a piece of my heart to Washington state and made me appreciate real friends…losing my fur baby, Pippi, made me realize how important a dog can be in someone’s life…learning to live on my own made me stronger instead of weaker as I had feared...I could probably go on with this for the rest of the day, but I’m going to stop before I ruin this expensive mascara! Honestly though, take time for you. Live with no regrets. Learn from the past. Love YOU first. Believe it and achieve it!

Now, bring on this new year!!!

You can't fix STUPID

I’m going to start this blog off by saying that I KNOW divorce/separation/breaking up isn’t easy (and my GOSH, I should know). However, at some point, you have to accept what your actions caused and know that you are the sole cause and effect of your choices. No one can make your decisions except for you. Once you’ve made bad choices and your lies have caught up with you…that is NOT the time to try to fix it. You should have been thinking about that when you were ruining your own life.

That being said, it was brought to my attention that my soon to be (not soon enough) ex spoke to one of my closest friends on Saturday night and proceeded to cry on her shoulder that he misses his “wife” and misses waking up beside of his “wife” every morning. First of all, you don’t address someone as something that you never treated them like, so I am no more your “wife” than you are (or ever were) my “husband”. You are nothing more than a tragic mistake I made and allowed myself to be brainwashed by in order to get what you wanted while I was a part of your screwed up world. Instead of continuing to worry about what you lost and telling anyone who will listen your sob story, perhaps you should try telling the TRUTH for a change and see where that gets you. Instead of how much you miss me, advise people on the fact that you had other girls at my house when I was working twelve hours a day because you can’t hold down a job and steady income, tell people how you lie every time you open your mouth about everything from why you never have money to what you ate for dinner, because I spent over $200 on groceries and half of them are gone in two days because you think you are supposed to eat like a pregnant woman that just smoked a pound of weed at EVERY meal, tell them about your temper, tell them how lazy you are, tell them you aren’t capable of being a grown man and can’t even throw your trash away or wipe a counter off, tell them how you talked to me, tell them how you abused my puppies, tell them all your other deep, dark secrets and see if they still feel sorry for you and your sad little life. I DOUBT IT! So if you want to tell the story, tell the WHOLE story, not just what you want people to know. You are not the pitiful soul you portray yourself to be. And I love how the story changes to suit the situation…one time it’s “I miss my wife more than anything and I’m always going to be in love with her and would do anything to fix this” and then when you’re talking to some new girl that you’re trying to win over, it’s “Yeah, I got rid of my wife a few months ago”. That’s right, you did get rid of me and my gosh, I don’t know why I haven’t thanked you for doing me such a huge favor!

Furthermore, I understand you have a new Facebook page that you are sending friend requests from to several people that you are completely aware are friends with me on a daily basis. Perhaps you should take advice from your family and be careful who your friends are, because YES, they do come back and tell me what’s said and what’s going on. On that note, since you have a certain family member that continues to have something to say about me, I’m going to reference something that I learned as a child…she called me a bitch with mental issues that needs some help…and my response is this…TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE!

All of that being said, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. Sure, I’ve been judged over my choices and that’s fine…you can’t please ‘em all, all the time. However, I have someone who treats me with love and respect, someone who doesn’t raise their voice at me, someone that holds my hand for no reason and every reason, someone who kisses me goodnight and asks how my day was, someone that cares…THAT is what love and a relationship is all about. Perhaps you should take some pointers!

The End

I wish I could say this blog will be full of my usual sunny quotes and rainbows, however it’s just not that kind of party today.

As of today, I’m 29 years, 9 months, and 2 days old. In less than three months, I’ll be 30. I’ve been through broken hearts, failed marriages, lost friends, backstabbing friends, two faced friends, the death of a parent, the death of three grandparents and I don’t know if any of them hurt as much as I hurt today.

It has taken me quite a bit of time in seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months, years to trust people because of things I’ve been through and/or witnessed. Usually, I keep people at bay because I’m terrified of getting attached and the rug being pulled out from under me. But every now and then, someone comes along and I DO trust them right away and feeling I have pretty good judgement, I make an exception and let them into my little world and most of the time, it’s a good decision, but every blue moon, I realize how truly wrong and terrible my choice was…this is one of those times.

Few things in life hurt worse than finding out you have a friend that’s actually not a friend at all. I’m hurt, heartbroken, devastated, disappointed, livid, mad, upset, deceived…the list could truly go on for days at this point. Sadly, this wasn’t just a friend, but someone I considered to be one of my best friends and now, I see that she was never a friend at all. I’ve literally been lied to, lied about, talked about, cussed out, etc and I still tried to make it work. Obviously my efforts were not only useless but in vain, as the whole ordeal has been nothing but one huge LIE. I don’t deal with a few types of people: liars, cheaters and thieves. I’ll walk away and save you the trouble.

This is the thing about hurting a good hearted person. We usually know that we’re good hearted. We know people have and will take advantage of us because we’re good hearted. We love and hurt with our whole heart and soul. But once you cross me, I’m done. I can be your best friend, your most passionate ally, your biggest supporter but cross me just once and see if I can’t be your worst nightmare, screw with the people I love and I’ll make you wish you never heard my name. My wrath and fury makes the devil look like June Cleaver. Keep pushing me and I’ll shove back. You won’t win this war. Best advice I can give is to pretend you don’t know me and never did. If you see me, don’t speak, don’t nod, don’t wave…just keep walking and don’t EVER look back.

Parting is such sweet sorrow…sometimes. Others, it’s just a breath of fresh air.

THE END