Better than I used to be...

Whew…it’s really 2012, huh? I must say mine’s already been full of pure happiness and true love and one of the saddest heartbreaks.

For the first time in I can’t remember how long, my New Year’s kiss really feels like something I’ll be doing all year long. In case I haven’t mentioned in the past five minutes, I have an awesome man in my life that has changed so many things for me in the past few months. For 29 years, I thought I knew what love was and jumped in a few times with no lifeguard, no instructions and no life saver and then I learned to take caution and use my head before my heart opened it’s big mouth and I found things are so much better than I even knew they could be. I always wondered what it meant when I heard people say “love doesn’t hurt or make you cry” and I finally get it. Yeah so it took me til I was dang near thirty to figure it out…that’s okay. I learn from my mistakes. If the worst thing I ever do on this Earth is get divorced twice and it keeps me out of Heaven, it’s gonna be a whole lot of folks not there either. I’m just sayin’! Seriously though, I do finally have it all together and it makes my little world such a wonderful place. There’s minimal stress and no anger and yelling and hatred. I fall more in love with every passing minute. I hope in fifty years, I’m still holding his hand and he’s still making me smile when things don’t always pan out. That’s what it’s all about. Sometimes things have to fall apart for better things to fall into place. That’s just exactly what happened in my lil’ piece of this galaxy.

I guess you can’t have sunshine without a little rain and God knows, that’s just what happened on January 2, as my very first ever best friend became a new angel. The circumstances of Emma’s death are still unclear and only the good Lord above knows what her final moments held, but what I do know is this…no one deserves to die, especially not alone and in the winter cold in an abandoned house, regardless of the path they’ve chosen and choices they’ve made. I haven’t seen Emma in a few years, but the recent picture I seen of her is still one of a beautiful, blue eyed blonde with a heart the size of Texas. I don’t know who Emma became in the past few years, but I do know this…in 1988, Emma was my best friend. We walked to school together every morning and walked home together every afternoon. We sat on my porch or back sunroom and played with NKOTB dolls for hours and sang every word to every song. We giggled on the phone and never ran out of things to talk about. So you see, maybe other people feel the need to look at the picture in the newspaper and judge someone who isn’t here to defend theirself, but I look at that picture and still see a seven year old little girl that learned how to skate with me so many years ago. I only pray that the legacy of such an awesome person will be passed along to her children and the negatives will be left by the wayside. I pray she left this Earth with no pain or suffering and now lives eternally as an angel. Rest in peace and faith sweet Emma.

And the next chapter in my new year will open next Tuesday as we take the first steps on what could be a long road, but will most definitely be worth it in the end. Just keep praying and having faith…it’s in God’s hands and we know the truth will be revealed…just gotta BELIEVE.