Over the past year, I’ve seen so many things that have amazed me, enlightened me, educated me, disappointed me, shocked me, hurt me and the list could go on for days, weeks, months, probably years. I’m at times in disbelief and sometimes rage at the acts we, as human beings, inflict on others. This year has been a soul searching, life changing, eye-opener for me and I only wish at times that some others could see the world through my eyes and what I’ve seen and the emotions that have flooded my heart and then, maybe, just maybe, they would know compassion, empathy and love of thy neighbor.
I’ve never been a Bible thumper and I never will be. My beliefs are mine and are not there to be shoved down someone else’s throat, but common decency isn’t out of style or a religious matter. I had to write today, because as much as I know my pain and emotions, there are some folks I know of recently that let those demons get the best of them and they no longer walk this Earth to fight back…the youngest and most recent being only fourteen years old. I remember fourteen…I was in the ninth grade, had a hella cute boyfriend, loved music and ball bearing necklaces, could walk to my best friend’s house anytime I wanted, had two parents that loved me, two stepparents that weren’t half bad, a ton of friends that I thought I’d be buds with forever and life was simple. Sixteen short years later, hearing a local child of fourteen took her own life due to bullying was heartwrenching. Talk about gone too soon. YEESH!
I realized just how mean, hateful and spiteful people are to each other when it’s never really that serious. I’ve seen it firsthand and I’ve been both the pitcher and the catcher. I don’t talk in innocence by any means but I can say I’ve learned from my past. Currently, I’m awaiting a court date to finalize my second divorce. It’s not something I’m proud of, but on the other hand, it’s not something I’m ashamed of either. I don’t beat myself up about any longer, because I know I did my part and gave my 100% to my marriage and sometimes, things fall apart so that other things can fall together. True, I’m thirty years old and going through it, but at the same time, I have a wonderful man that I’ve built a beautiful relationship with as a result of both of our failed marriages. I couldn’t be happier than the exact point I’m at right now in my life. The road hasn’t been easy, but he’s been by my side every step of the way and loves me even when I feel I don’t deserve it. Sure, I’ve been talked about and gossiped about and had lies and rumors spread about me (and him), but the people that matter, they know the truth and that’s what matters. Sadly, if some folks would put as much effort into their own well being, relationships, friendships, careers and families as they have into worrying about what Scott and I may or may not be doing, perhaps they would fare a little better. Obviously I’m asking too much of someone who doesn’t have the ability to behave as a grown up, which is why it’s much easier to ignore the stupidity when it’s brought to my attention rather than address it. Yeah, I could confront the ignorance, but I could also talk to this bottle of water on my desk and be in about the same situation at the end of the day…it will make NO difference, because you can’t reason with ignorance.
I’ve learned that relationships aren’t all going to last forever and that’s okay and reality, but when they do end, you can move on and change yourself and your inconsistencies or you can act like a horse’s ass and show everyone how immature and ridiculous you can really be. It’s your own choice really, but I feel like if you could just put that effort into something positive in your OWN life and stop worrying about mine, we all might be a little happier. Okay, so YOU might could be a little happier (really happy, not that fake jazz you spew to the world that doesn’t know you), because as for me and my little piece of the universe, we are unicorns and butterflies.
