I got a call from the doctor's office yesterday regarding my bloodwork results from last Friday and rather than talk to me on the phone as the usually do, they requested that I make an appointment and come into the office. It just hit me the wrong way. I told the woman (in a not so nice way) that I guessed I just wouldn't know what was wrong with me if she couldn't tell me over the phone because I refused to pay ANOTHER copay to come in and talk about what ELSE was wrong when we could easily talk on the phone. To say I was furious would be a gross understatement.
After thinking about the sitaution and calming down quite a bit, I called back today and requested a phone call from my doctor regarding the situation. My nurse called me back and said that (I hope y'all are seated)...1) my diabetes is severly uncontrolled, 2) my cholestrol is out of whack, 3) my thyroid isn't working up to par and 4) my vitamin D is even more deficient than it was six months ago. SERIOUSLY!?!?! I refused to see anyone except MY doctor, no PA, no nurse, NO ONE BUT MY DOCTOR. My appointment is on the 29th of MAY! Yes, I'm serious!
My nerves are shot for several reasons. First of all, most of the meds they will put me on for my diabetes are going to make me gain weight resulting in my depression worsening and scaring the daylights out of me. Being overweight is something I have feared my entire life. For those of you that may not know, my dad was very obsese and therefore, it's in my bloodline and I have to fight against it to insure I don't end up the way I have seen my dad and many of my aunts end up. Most of my dad's family has died very young...that's nothing to play with...I plan on sticking around for quite some time. I don't know a whole lot about cholestrol, so I'll see what they have to say about that and move forward. As for my thyroid, get rid of the damn thing if it's not working. I don't need it anyway. Send it to organ Heaven with my gallbladder. My thyroid not working means losing weight is almost impossible. Fix the problem and stop making me suffer. That is one less thing for me to worry about on a daily basis. Duh Doc! And the vitamin D deficiency...well, let me lose some weight by removing my thyroid and maybe I won't feel like a whore on judgement day out in the sun! THERE WE GO...PROBLEMS SOLVED!
On a serious note, I'm truly scared of what might happen at the doctor on the 29th and my stress is at a breaking point these days, so please say a prayer for my inner peace...God knows I need it right now.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Bitch is BACK
I've come to realize that people take advantage of me because for the most part...I let them! Sad, but true. I am a nice person 90% of the time, probably an even higher percentage than that and people feed on that notion. Well, the buck stops here and I'm done with it. I'm tired of being little miss nice girl, I'm tired of being hurt, I'm tired of crying in the bathroom, I'm tired of the mascara running, because frankly, I wear Mary Kay and it's expensive dammit!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
All smiles...on the outside
It took me some extra time to write my blog this week because the seriousness is not like anything anyone would ever expect from me. This is the most real and gutwrenching blog I've ever wrote in my life and I pray that by sharing it, I help myself and others.
Monday was rough. I had a bad day and while driving home, I had a very emotional breakdown for no apparent reason. I told Robby in recent weeks that I am going to talk to the doctor about depression, because I honestly don't understand these breakdowns and the severity and complexity of them. So, I'm coming down 85 and I pass my exit to go home...I keep driving, pull in at RO's, order food, drive to Walmart and sit in the parking lot alone and eat all that I just purchased by myself. Now, I know alot of that sounds terrible in and of itself, but what I haven't told you yet is that I ate two double cheeseburgers, a large order of fries and drank a sweet tea. In what world was this EVER okay? Not only am I already overweight, but I'm diabetic and I just put alot of crap in my body that shouldn't be there (especially in that quanity)! I drove home feeling so disgusted and defeated. I sat outside for over an hour and I just broke down. I came in the house and told Robby what I had done before I came home and I told him, honey, it's like this, I'm committing suicide with food, there's no nice way to put it. I'm five foot three inches tall and weigh 221 right now...if I don't do SOMETHING, I'm going to have a heart attack and it's going to kill me because my body can't take what I'm doing to it.
That being said, this is IT! I can't keep going like I'm going right now because I am killing myself. I found out that there is a group like AA for people that are addicted to food and I might look into that. I am making an appointment with a dietician to see where I need to start. As of yesterday morning, I have drank only water and half a cup of Sierra Mist when I was queasy. I'm done with caffeine. I'm not cutting out carbs completely, but I'm only eating white carbs once a day. I'm determined, I'm going to do this...I HAVE to in order to survive. I know I put on a huge smile and laugh with the world and have the reputation of being the happy girl, but lately, I feel so alone and I'm battling a big war inside of my body. I KNOW I'm not alone, but I also know I don't like to be a burden or for folks to worry about me, so I keep alot enclosed inside of this little frame to keep from raining on anyone's sunshine. I know this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I'm taking it on.
Thanks in advance for the love and support y'all send me already...it helps more than I could ever put into words. I'll try to write more than I have been lately...my promise. Just promise me that you'll be hard on me and support me and encourage me...I need it!
Monday was rough. I had a bad day and while driving home, I had a very emotional breakdown for no apparent reason. I told Robby in recent weeks that I am going to talk to the doctor about depression, because I honestly don't understand these breakdowns and the severity and complexity of them. So, I'm coming down 85 and I pass my exit to go home...I keep driving, pull in at RO's, order food, drive to Walmart and sit in the parking lot alone and eat all that I just purchased by myself. Now, I know alot of that sounds terrible in and of itself, but what I haven't told you yet is that I ate two double cheeseburgers, a large order of fries and drank a sweet tea. In what world was this EVER okay? Not only am I already overweight, but I'm diabetic and I just put alot of crap in my body that shouldn't be there (especially in that quanity)! I drove home feeling so disgusted and defeated. I sat outside for over an hour and I just broke down. I came in the house and told Robby what I had done before I came home and I told him, honey, it's like this, I'm committing suicide with food, there's no nice way to put it. I'm five foot three inches tall and weigh 221 right now...if I don't do SOMETHING, I'm going to have a heart attack and it's going to kill me because my body can't take what I'm doing to it.
That being said, this is IT! I can't keep going like I'm going right now because I am killing myself. I found out that there is a group like AA for people that are addicted to food and I might look into that. I am making an appointment with a dietician to see where I need to start. As of yesterday morning, I have drank only water and half a cup of Sierra Mist when I was queasy. I'm done with caffeine. I'm not cutting out carbs completely, but I'm only eating white carbs once a day. I'm determined, I'm going to do this...I HAVE to in order to survive. I know I put on a huge smile and laugh with the world and have the reputation of being the happy girl, but lately, I feel so alone and I'm battling a big war inside of my body. I KNOW I'm not alone, but I also know I don't like to be a burden or for folks to worry about me, so I keep alot enclosed inside of this little frame to keep from raining on anyone's sunshine. I know this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I'm taking it on.
Thanks in advance for the love and support y'all send me already...it helps more than I could ever put into words. I'll try to write more than I have been lately...my promise. Just promise me that you'll be hard on me and support me and encourage me...I need it!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Coughing and Sneezing and Nose Blowing...OH MY!
Yes, it's true, I'm sick...AGAIN! My immune system hates me. Seriously though, why don't people just stay home when they're sick. I do! I know it might be an inconvenience, but it's a bigger one when you share the crap with everyone you work with or come in contact with in public. I wash my hands constantly because I have OCD and always freak out and worry I'm going to get germs on me from "dirty" people. I'm sure I've even offended (not intentionally) some folks with my frantic searching for my sanitizer after we shake hands or exchange money/ink pens/etc. That being said, I have an appointment at the doctor's office in the morning and I pray it's not the flu again. This winter was my first round of the flu ever in my life and it about killed me. Tamiflu does help but it beats the crap out of in the process. I had a fever earlier and it broke and came back about an hour ago. YUCK! That pretty much sums up my feelings right now. Just keep praying it's anything but the flu.
On a lighter note, anyone have any new healthy snack or meal suggestions? As always, love, love, LOVE my feedback, emails, recipes, quotes, etc. You all ROCK!
On a lighter note, anyone have any new healthy snack or meal suggestions? As always, love, love, LOVE my feedback, emails, recipes, quotes, etc. You all ROCK!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I'm baaack...
I know it's been a minute, but no worries, I'm still going strong. We got all moved into the new house and it's awesome!!! I especially love having a huge fenced in backyard for the fur babies so they have some place to get the energy out. I will admit that all three are sleeping better in the new house. Skynard even got to sleep in the bed twice and didn't have any accidents (YAY)! NJ is gaining weight per the vet's request and I'm more sure every day that she is going to be a long haired doxie. Pippi is her happy lil' self and nothing phases her, as usual.
I've been working more diligently at working out and being healthy. Y'all know I'm honest and I'll say, I don't have perfect days by any means, but I'm conscious of what is good for me and I'm making wise choices about 70% of the time.
OMG...Luke Bryan's new video just came on...too much sexy for my tv set! (Side note brought to you by my ADD)
Back to what I was saying...there are days when I simply crave a soft drink too much to fight it at this point in my process. I'm sure as I move farther along, my will power will continue to get stronger. I can usually stop myself, but there are times, I know if I just have one soda, it will be a better outcome than getting upset about it later on and drinking two or three sodas and eating a cheeseburger and half a pizza, ya know? Cheating on a health plan is not always a bad thing to be honest with you. My dietician said if I crave a cheeseburger to eat the darn thing and move on from it.
I do have a new app on my phone that is pretty fabulous. It's called MyFitnessPal and anyone who has an Android or iPhone (possibly a BB too) should check it out. It's free as the number one perk and all you do is put in your food, drinks, snacks, etc. and it calculates your calories for you. You also enter how much water you drink each day and your exercises and it calculates how many calories you've burned. You tell it all of you stats and it will create a calorie plan for you to be on track to lose the weight you want in the time you want. Pretty effin' awesome if I do say so myself!
My skating addiction has been going well. I went last Tuesday and Wednesday and had intentions to go on Thursday but Robby's leg was hurting so we skipped. My goal is to go every Wednesday and Thursday night since those are my days off. If you're around here, you should join us, it's a great workout and alot of fun ($6/Wed includes all you can eat pizza and hot dogs and $3/Thurs). As a side note, I'd like to say that just because it's all you can eat doesn't mean you are REQUIRED to eat yourself stupid, which is the perception that some make.
Now, I just have to take my bike and get my tires properly inflated so I can start riding because this weather is GORGEOUS! Enjoy the intro to Spring y'all!
I've been working more diligently at working out and being healthy. Y'all know I'm honest and I'll say, I don't have perfect days by any means, but I'm conscious of what is good for me and I'm making wise choices about 70% of the time.
OMG...Luke Bryan's new video just came on...too much sexy for my tv set! (Side note brought to you by my ADD)
Back to what I was saying...there are days when I simply crave a soft drink too much to fight it at this point in my process. I'm sure as I move farther along, my will power will continue to get stronger. I can usually stop myself, but there are times, I know if I just have one soda, it will be a better outcome than getting upset about it later on and drinking two or three sodas and eating a cheeseburger and half a pizza, ya know? Cheating on a health plan is not always a bad thing to be honest with you. My dietician said if I crave a cheeseburger to eat the darn thing and move on from it.
I do have a new app on my phone that is pretty fabulous. It's called MyFitnessPal and anyone who has an Android or iPhone (possibly a BB too) should check it out. It's free as the number one perk and all you do is put in your food, drinks, snacks, etc. and it calculates your calories for you. You also enter how much water you drink each day and your exercises and it calculates how many calories you've burned. You tell it all of you stats and it will create a calorie plan for you to be on track to lose the weight you want in the time you want. Pretty effin' awesome if I do say so myself!
My skating addiction has been going well. I went last Tuesday and Wednesday and had intentions to go on Thursday but Robby's leg was hurting so we skipped. My goal is to go every Wednesday and Thursday night since those are my days off. If you're around here, you should join us, it's a great workout and alot of fun ($6/Wed includes all you can eat pizza and hot dogs and $3/Thurs). As a side note, I'd like to say that just because it's all you can eat doesn't mean you are REQUIRED to eat yourself stupid, which is the perception that some make.
Now, I just have to take my bike and get my tires properly inflated so I can start riding because this weather is GORGEOUS! Enjoy the intro to Spring y'all!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Merry Moving Day Eve
Holy potatoes! I can't believe we really move into our new house tomorrow! I'm so excited! Packing does suck though...ALOT! Thank God my momma works for a mover and they do the hard part!
So, I might not be on for a few days, just wanted y'all to know why! :)
So, I might not be on for a few days, just wanted y'all to know why! :)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
One step closer...
First, I have super exciting news...Robby started a new job today!!! It's part time for now and will change to full time when business picks up a little more. He loves it so far and I'm so happy for him, for us, for our future.
We move in the new house one week from today and my nerves and thoughts are just shook and spinning with excitement and anxiety. I can't wait for it all to come together! Life is finally paying off! I knew I just had to believe!
My eating habits haven't been fabulous with my stress, but they haven't been horrid either. I'm doing pretty good with my water and have only had "bad" drinks a time or two. I'm still trying to stick to Sprite/7Up when I "need" a drink that isn't water. My new goal is finding out what foods and places contain MSG and in turn are migraine triggers. Vonne is helping me out by telling me her experiences with this matter. I'm going to beat these medical issues...I'm a tough cookie and I don't give up easy!
P.S. Kates commercial just came on and I remembered that tomorrow (tonight) night is skate night!!!
We move in the new house one week from today and my nerves and thoughts are just shook and spinning with excitement and anxiety. I can't wait for it all to come together! Life is finally paying off! I knew I just had to believe!
My eating habits haven't been fabulous with my stress, but they haven't been horrid either. I'm doing pretty good with my water and have only had "bad" drinks a time or two. I'm still trying to stick to Sprite/7Up when I "need" a drink that isn't water. My new goal is finding out what foods and places contain MSG and in turn are migraine triggers. Vonne is helping me out by telling me her experiences with this matter. I'm going to beat these medical issues...I'm a tough cookie and I don't give up easy!
P.S. Kates commercial just came on and I remembered that tomorrow (tonight) night is skate night!!!
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