I am an addict...

I am an addict.

I don't have track marks on my arms. I don't have bloodshot eyes. I don't drink alcohol. I don't have slurred speech. I don't have a face that shows meth usage. I don't have glazed eyes...unless I've been eating doughnuts. 

I am a food addict.

Food addicts hide their addiction. We let it define us. We become obsessed with food, crash diets, exercise, any thing we think might change our ways. Just as a recovering alcoholic can not have 'just one beer', food addicts can't have just one bowl of spaghetti and go back to clean eating without repercussions. I know some of you are reading this and balking at this claim, that a person could be ADDICTED to food. Ha, it's FOOD, duh, we need it to LIVE. Yes, we do. However, food addicts don't stop at survival eating, we eat emotionally. Oh, you got engaged, let's have cupcakes at work. Ooo, you're pregnant, congrats, let's have a baby shower and eat mints and cookies and those little sandwiches cut out in shapes. I'm so sorry, you're great aunt passed away, I'll bring over a bucket of chicken. We eat when we celebrate and we eat when we mourn. Now you might be saying, but Cris, I only seen you eat one cupcake at that baby shower. Well, I'm here to confess that what you DIDN'T see was the double cheeseburger, large fries and large sweet tea I had in the parking lot in my car before I came in. You didn't see those cookies I snuck in the bathroom either. And since I'm so good at my addiction, you missed the plate I took with me covered in foil for my sweetheart since he couldn't make it. 

Tonight, I began a journey to treat and eliminate my addiction. I went to my first Food Addicts meeting and I took a pledge to change my life.

I AM an addict, but I'm also a friend, a daughter, a girlfriend, a sister. My addiction no longer defines me and controls me. I'm the girl that always smiles, even when I'm sad. I look great in a pair of bootcut jeans and cowboy boots. I have long, natural curly, natural black hair. I have eyes that change colors. I have eyebrows that are always perfectly manicured. I appear perfect from the outside in most terms. I have a multitude of friends that love me unconditionally. I never meet a stranger.

I am an addict.